Artificial Stupidity: The Future of Being Dumb

One of the funniest things about being human and seeing other human beings is the way that certain objects immediately make our IQ drop in large chunks. High on the list of objects that artificially make us do stupid things is the bike. I’m not going to talk negatively about Joe Biden in this context because he’s the president. But the number of dumb things I have done and seen on bikes could fill up a hard drive with stories. 

The fall that Biden took perfectly illuminates the case and he didn’t end up looking that bad. If anything, he showed more physical stamina and prowess than most people would expect.  The whole country seems to be critical of the guy and perhaps he deserves that ire, but he’s our president and so I want to support him. 

He rode up on his bike to a group of people and press. He was wearing those stupid toe cages. He couldn’t get his foot out and so he fell over. At least he didn’t have those shoes that click into the pedals, that would have been worse. He also wasn’t wearing the cyclist uniform. Thank the heavens above. No president should ever be seen wearing those ridiculous skintight monstrosities. 

The fact that it is a standard look, and I don’t even have to describe it for you to picture it perfectly shows how much the bicycle lowers our intelligence. It makes us not care about looking stupid. It also makes us not care about almost getting hit by a car again and again. 

Biden was not so bad. He is intelligent enough to not be completely transformed by the bicycle. What is the point of those outfits? In the tradeoff for presentability with speed are these cyclists really that competitive? Just wear something cool and ride in a way that makes us want to join, not this wild antisocial clicking and clacking of spandex wearing grey foxes invading coffee shops mid ride. It’s an abomination. 

I love riding a bike. I wear a helmet because I love my daughter, but it makes me look very stupid. I also must tuck my pant leg into my sock which is another fashion nightmare. The number of dumb things I have seen other people do on bikes gives me an overwhelming sense that the premise is correct: certain objects make humans stupider. 

Cars must be on the list, for sure, the faster the auto the more IQ points it steals. I’m not so worried about artificial intelligence as I am artificial stupidity. The entire world of bicycling has been flooded by overly excited and inadequately fit folks on ebikes. Now, if the bicycle makes you stupider putting an electric motor on that thing exponentially magnifies the effect. 

What are we to do in a world full of objects that make us dumber? So far it seems like our best option is to fight artificial stupidity with artificial intelligence an hope that the scales tip in our favor. Or, we could devote ourselves to mental fitness, to getting stronger mentally. That would be an option, too. 

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